MINNESOTA (The Borowitz Report)—A vast majority of Americans would feel significantly safer if an enormous caravan consisting of angry white men left the country, a new poll indicates.
The poll, conducted by the University of Minnesota’s Opinion Research Institute, suggests that the concept of an angry-white-male caravan could be the most wildly popular policy proposal in the run-up to Tuesday’s midterm elections.
In an indication of just how much support the proposal has, many Americans said that they would personally contribute gas money to help get the caravan on its way.
Despite the popularity of the caravan, however, there was disagreement over what the optimal number of angry white men to depart with it would be, with some suggesting a figure of twenty thousand and others preferring a number as high as forty million.
Additionally, the implementation of such a caravan could face major obstacles; the survey indicates that both Mexican and Canadian voters overwhelmingly oppose any influx whatsoever of angry white American males.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.